Adoption Journal #4

Well, Mandy and I have completed the first two (of nine) required classes through OC Social Services. After six hours of class sessions, I have some pretty strong impressions that I think are worth mentioning.It is impressive to see forty+ people from different backgrounds all together in an effort to provide care and support to children who are in need. The people sharing the class experience with us all come from different backgrounds with different ethnic and religious make-ups. Some, like Mandy and I, come at this experience after working in the system. Some have been in the system themselves or were touched by adoption or foster care sometime in their own lives. Also, I am encouraged to hear that so many of the prospective foster/adoptive parents come at this decision as part of their Christian faith. This is encouraging to me since I know that few Churches promote local public adoptions despite strict Biblical teaching to do so.However, I also am frustrated by the process. The facilitators of the sessions do not seem to be prepared or very knowledgeable about their topics. This is ridiculous. Digressions, tangents and complete unrelated stories by both the facilitators and a handful of chatty students hold the class hostage to their wills. I am frustrated because this could be a great opportunity to help these prospective caregivers understand the challenges that await children in the foster system or coming into homes from group care or abusive families. It is no wonder, after attending just two sessions, that so many foster children have such negative experiences in foster care and post foster care life.Despite the frustrations associated with poor facilitators, Mandy and I face these classes with an air of anticipation. We know that each class we complete brings us one step closer to our forever family. No matter how poor the class is or how miserable the experience, we are convinced that everything will pale in the light of our excitement and joy at bringing our forever family together. I know that many of the other families we have met this week feel the same way. This is good as well. It creates a solidarity as we go through the drudgery of the required hoops and obstacles. I'm sure I'll be letting you know more in the weeks to come. Good night and keep us in your prayers.

Adoption Journal #3

Tonight Mandy and I will begin our classes with Orange County Social Services in fulfillment of our requirement for adoption. This is a big step and we're lookign forward to it. After months and months of planning and research we are moving ever closer to our forever family.I just wish people knew how to be supportive. Together Mandy and I have nearly twenty-five years of expeience working with foster youth and persons with disabilities, not to mention three graduate degrees related to the area. Now I'm not trying to brag, but c'mon give us a little credit and allow us the benefit of knowing what we're doing. Well-intentioned family members who have no real knowledge of the field try to pass themselves off as experts and practically demand that you follow their lead. Now while we appreciate the support, it would be so much nicer if our loved ones would simply say, "We love you and want to know how we can support you." Would that be so hard? I am glad that family and friends are interested and supportive of the idea. However, supporting the fact that Mandy and I are aware of the challenges and possibilities in store would be nice.Now family or friends might read this and be insulted. I apologize. I am not saying that any family going through adoption knows everything. Who can with the thousands of caveats and obstacles that lie in wait? However, there are ways to offer a new piece of information without making Mandy and I feel as though we would be betraying the family if we didn't take it. We love the support, but like most people going through adoption, we did not enter this without prayer or careful consideration, and at times it feels like people assume that if they don't have a say in it then it can't possibly succeed.Mandy and I believe God is in this process and therefore, how can it not succeed.

Adoption Journal #2

Well after months of prep work including countless hours of research through adoption websites, articles and books we began the process in earnest with orientations at our local county social service office and private domestic agency. Wednesday night we attended the "Adoption Application Workshop" through Orange County Social Services. Here we were handed pages and pages of application material. Probably 40 pages of questionairres related to what type of child we want, how our marriage is(including how is our sex life?), what types of families we come from, income and other things. To be honest, it was a discouraging meeting. To be told that despite the fact that thousands of children await homes, we have to wait months (probably years) to bring one into our family is disheartening. The hoops and obstacles are part of the process, but it seems so enormous.We know this is what God wants for us, but it gets discouraging. MY son or daughter is out there somewhere (whether they have been born or even conceived). God has a child chosen for Mandy and I and it is difficult to wait. In our hearts we are already parents and it is like we are being told that we can't take our baby home from the hospital until we are good enough. I know God will help us persevere, but it seems a daunting task.Through the county we must take 9 parenting classes, plus get our foster licensed, plus endure 6 months of home study, plus take some type of foster class and then see if we are matched up. Once a child is placed in our home it is at least six months before our adoption is official. On the plus side the county pays for everything. Private agencies cost anywhere from $18-$25000 for a domestic adoption (with international costing anywhere from $20-$45000, once travel is factored in). Why is the choice between time and money so difficult. Our "parenting" classes begin next week, so I'll let you know how it goes.