Adoption Journal #12

This past week Mandy and I met with our adoption social worker to discuss progress and some of the needed requirements we have yet to complete. Allison (our SW) was great. She seemed to really be supportive and we needed that. It's exciting that things are coming into place, but a little anxiety producing as well. Most of our family and friends know that we are looking at a "special needs adoption," that does not mean that most understand what that is. Most of our family and friends have little idea of what Mandy and I do for a living and the individuals we have the opportunity to meet on a daily basis. This lack of knowledge leads to some uncomfortable situations. Listening to friends and family talk about ideas, remote controls, drivers, DVD players, etc. as being "retarded" is difficult. What if our son or daughter is diagnosed with mental retardation? Will our family and friends be able to change from thinking that something broken or defective is synonymous with "retarded" to a mindset where this little child (possible niece, nephew, god-child, grandchild, etc.) is made in God's image and part of the family? I worry about that. A individual who will be close to my son or daughter was telling me the other day about this miracle juice that has "cured" autism. He also told me that people have reported being cured of cancer as a result of this beverage. He told me that this juice creates a balance in our bodies and something about fatty acids and the brain. Then he told me something that added to my adoption anxiety. He said, "After all, God didn't make us to be sick." There are many ways to take this comment, but in context with the person who made the comment, there is really only one way to follow this comment. Taken to its logical conclusion it is scary. By coupling the juice with the comment, this person is saying that God did not design us to be sick (regardless of the fall). Therefore, sickness (autism in this context is a sickness, therefore most neurological or developmental disorders must ipso facto be sickness) is outside the will of God. God does not want you to be sick, therefore, you should not be sick. Therefore, sickness is a result of you personally living outside God's will. However, there is a cure for this sickness, this juice (or any fad therapy). If then you are not drinking the juice or not giving it to your child with autism then you are committing an act tantamount to child abuse at worst or neglect, at best. Many people reading this think I have taken this comment the wrong way and that this person would not think I was neglecting my son if I withheld this juice or abusing my daughter if I listened to my doctor instead of Jenny McArthy. Unfortunately, you're wrong.My sister-in-law has a son with Autism. She has been diligent about securing the best information and following her doctor's advice and caseworkers suggestions. However, she was accosted at church last week by a group of women who saw Jenny McArthy on Oprah and informed my sister-in-law that she was not taking care of her son as she should since he still ate glutens in his diet. They also told her that her youngest son (about 1 1/2 years old) was being placed in danger because she was following through with his vaccinations. These women were her friends (church friends no less) and had never read a journal article or talked to a doctor or a special education teachers, but they were ready to demonize my sister-in-law for not following the advice of a former playmate who thinks Jim Carey is the "autism whisperer." And you think I have no reason to be anxious. Please.

Adoption Journal #11

We finally received a call from our assigned adoption worker, Allison. It has been a long-time coming and we are filled with expectation. Unfortunately, we have been playing phone tag with our worker, but we are confident that we will be able to schedule a meeting with her very soon. Expectation is an interesting thing. There is not a day that goes by that Mandy or I don't think about our child. Most people going through labor only have to wonder what the sex of the child will be. Even that can usually be figured out fairly early. For us there are questions about gender, age, ethnicity and development. It is a little difficult to prepare when you don't know the child's age. Furniture, clothes, supplies, etc. all tend to be age specific, and we can't be sure we are having a newborn.Our expectation is a little different from a biological birth in another important way. Most expectant parents are given a date by their doctor on which they can expect their baby. While not all babies arrive exactly on time, most arrive within an acceptable time frame on either side of the expected date. We have no idea when our date is. This not knowing is a little nerve-racking, and, at times, a little frustrating. It is hard not knowing, it is hard to wait, it is hard to be patient, both with Orange County Social Services and with God. However, I take comfort in another man who waited to see a child.Luke 2 verses 25 & 26 provide a little glimpse into a man named Simeon. The Holy Spirit had told him that he would not die before he saw the Christ-child. Imagine being told that you would see the Christ-child and having to wait for the fulfillment of that promise? We don't know what age Simeon was when he received his promise, but it could have been years. I wonder if he woke up every morning thinking " today could be the day." I can understand that kind of thinking. I am sure that Simeon hoped that each day would be "the day" he was face to face with his Lord. Yet, he had to wait and wait. I take comfort in the fact that God does not make us wait in vain and that hope the is anchored in Christ will not disappoint no matter how difficult the waiting is.