Adoption Journal #10

Well, things are moving along. In the past couple of weeks since we have submitted our application, the process has been rolling. In reflection on this process we have grown more thankful (not that we weren't prior) for our friends and family who are supporting us through this endeavor.One of the requirements on the application is the inclusion of potential references (3 non-family and 1 family member). Having friends who are willing to talk well of you to others is important. Our friends have been excited to be part of this process with us and we are excited to have them. This idea of "references" has made me more aware that I should be living my life among my friends so that they never have to lie when asked for a character reference. I'm hoping they haven't had to. Mandy and I are thankful for our friends that have been encouraging as we move through this process. Friends here near our homes, friends in such diverse places as Keizer, Oregon; Redlands, California; San Fernando Valley, California and friends in California's San Joaquin Valley. It is great to know that we are welcoming our son or daughter into a community that includes such diverse people of character.Family is usually a great reference. My mother was chosen as our family reference. It is expected that mother's are going to speak well of their son or daughter, but that is not always the case. We are grateful, not just for my parents, but also all of our family that has shown an interest in our plans and the process. We are thankful for the ones who have lifted our journey up to God in their own prayers. We had a family brunch the other day at my parents' home with both of my sisters' families. It is nice to know the type of family we are welcoming our son or daughter into.Even though we did not get the chance to ask the rest of our family for a reference we are certain that they would have come through for us as well. And, hopefully, they wouldn't have had to lie either. After all of this "reference" stuff I've been wondering a few things. Am I a good reference for Jesus? To I let people know His good qualities. Am I intimate enough with Him to be able to tell specific stories of how He can work in someone else's life? A reference is someone who gives an endorsement of a potential candidate for a particular post. What kind of endorsement do I give to people whom Christ is looking to fill the post of "Lord" for?This week has made me think of relationships in regard to our adoption. Knowing that we have family who are supportive and friends who are supportive is important. However, we are also becoming aware of many others. Both Mandy and I were asked to sign a release so that our employer could provide a reference. Both of our employers have been so supportive and encouraging. After the positive response we received from our employers we began to wonder why we hadn't told them sooner. Are we limiting the amount of support we receive by the amount of information we provide?I think so. Mandy and I play softball on our Church's team. We have played for nearly three months and only last week did we discover that one of our teammates, and his wife, are also in the process of adoption. It is nice to have the support of friends and to connect with new people through this process. We have yet to meet our son or daughter, but we have already began to see their impact in our lives.This week Mandy and I will get our fingerprint clearance and hopefully move on to the next stage in this journey.

Adoption Journal #9

Right now it seems like there is nothing for us to do, but wait. We have completed the classes we need to and have submitted our application for adoption. Until our assigned adoption worker contacts us with the next step in the process we have nothing left to do, but wait. Waiting is never easy, and it allows the opportunity for anxiety and fear to creep into our lives.I have been worrying lately whether my son or daughter, to be, will call me “dad,” or “daddy.” Mandy and I have chosen to build our family through adoption, but what if the child we choose, does not choose us? I’m not sure how I would feel if the young boy I call “son” chose to call me “Mr. Hoggatt.” How would I handle it if the young girl I called “daughter” called me “Mike?” These are not pressing worries, but they creep up now and again. I realize that they are not the most rationale of fears and that the well-being and happiness of our child is what’s important, but I cannot pretend that I do not think about this from time to time.People are going to tell me that I have nothing to worry about, in regards to this. They will tell me that my son or daughter will be so young that they will instinctively call me “dad” or “daddy.” Yet, what if the child we adopt is a little older? We have told the county that we are open to children older than three years of age, so that might not be the case.I will be told that children will naturally call Mandy and I “mom” and “dad” because we will be doing what parents are supposed to do. We will be providing love, affection, instruction, protection and provision. It is true that we plan on providing all of these things that parents are expected to provide, yet this is not guaranteed to elicit affection from a child.People will assure me if our child realizes how much we went through to adopt and how much we wanted our son or daughter to come and be part of our family. Yet, I know from first hand experience that this is not the case.The word “Abba,” in the gospel, is used to indicate the type of relationship we should have with our heavenly father. When we pray, Christ says, call your Heavenly Father, “Daddy.” How seldom do I even call upon my heavenly father? He has chosen to adopt me when logic dictates that He shouldn’t. He has chosen to lavish on me an inheritance, I do not deserve. He has given me more through the adoption He offers, than I could ever dream of giving the son or daughter I want to adopt. Still, I fail to call on Him as I should. I fail to see Him as the father He is. I fail to demonstrate my affection, respect and love for Him. I want to, but like St. Paul says, I don’t do what I know I should.In light of the adoption relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, why should I expect my adopted child to respond to me in a more loving and affectionate fashion than I respond to my adoptive Father? Yet, the more and more I think about it, the less anxious or worried I am. Of the many gifts my Heavenly Father has given to me is Hope, and hope that is placed in God does not disappoint. This adoption is all about Hope. From our future son or daughter there is an unspoken hope for a family that will provide a Home with all of the love, hope, joy, happiness and strength a child deserves. From Mandy and I there is a Hope that God will place the child we have been waiting for since before we met. There is a hope that people will see our son and daughter as family, not “adoptive-family.”One of the great things about this whole process is the Hope that is so integral to it all. All of the hoops and hurdles, obstacles and barriers, poor trainers and difficult systems are easier because of hope. I know that, apart from not venturing into this process, we would never be able to keep going if we did not have hope. Not just any hope, but a hope placed in a loving God who happens to be an expert in adoption.