de facto Parents (AJ #37)

De facto is a Latin expression that means "concerning the fact" or in practice but not necessarily ordained by law. It is commonly used in contrast to de jure (which means "concerning the law") when referring to matters of law, governance, or technique (such as standards) that are found in the common experience as created or developed without or contrary to a regulation. When discussing a legal situation, de jure designates what the law says, while de facto designates action of what happens in practice. It is analogous and similar to the expressions "for all intents and purposes" or "in fact".

Not many people I know have had the opportunity to sit in the hallways of the county family court building. I have had numerous occasions as a social worker to sit with foster children from group homes as they waited their appointed time with the judge overseeing their cases. Since, the proceedings of family court are "confidential" all of the waiting children, parents, social workers, caregivers, etc wait together (even if they aren't really supposed to have contact) outside their appointed court room on long white benches in a long white hallway. Sometime during the morning (of course everyone checks in at 8:30am, but may not be called until noon or later) a lawyer, maybe one you have never met, comes out and shouts your name (so much for confidentiality). Your lawyer takes you over to an empty area of the hallway and discusses your case for a few minutes then tells you that he/she will be back when the judge is ready. So you wait again. Like I said, I have done this countless times with various youth. However, last Friday was the first time my own family was to be discussed in family court.

After about an hour and a half a woman came out of the court room shouting my daughter's last name, this was my daughter's lawyer. She grabbed another attorney and asked him if he was assigned to my case. Without looking at me, he answered her in the affirmative. Then he turned to me and said, "hi, I'm Ken. I'm your attorney, follow me." I followed him into the court and sat next to him in front of the judge. Once all of the attorneys had introduced themselves (attorney for social services, for my daughter, for me, and for a couple of other interests) the judge began. She stated that she had been given several reports regarding our family and that she was ready to grant de facto status to Mandy and I. I smiled and nodded and that was that.

Now Mandy and I have full educational rights (which for those who have never dealt with the world of special education, this is a huge deal and something we fought for), we are also now authorized to provide medical treatment as befits any parent. Finally, this new I de facto status allow the court to appoint an attorney on our behalf (Ken) who will handle the filing of paperwork with the state in order for our adoption to be complete.

In the court's eyes were are in fact parents. We operate as parents and rear our child as parents. To most of the world we inhabit, we are no different from any other parent fulfilling their role as parent. We now have one last hurdle. We are now moving from de facto status to de jure status. Once the adoption is finalized our daughter will have a new birth certificate, we will be given the full and complete authority that any parent already enjoys. We will move from being parents in practice to parents in the full legal sense of the word. We are hopeful that this will happen in the next couple of months and are eagerly anticipating this next step.

However, my day in court reminded me why the system bugs me and how broken it is. Throughout this process Mandy and I have been reminded by the representative from social services, our daughter's lawyer, the court's advocate and finally by the judge herself that our daughter has been through a lot of placements and that we need to make sure that we are providing a good home. On one hand I understand the concern. Mandy and I are striving to provide a good home. However, we find it a tad disingenuous when all of the parties who had the legal mandate, the moral mandate and the legal authority to prevent the situations that transpired since our daughter entered the system nearly four years ago to admonish us considering we are the only ones in this situation who have lived up to our moral and legal mandate.

Regardless of all of that, we are just happy to be one step closer to finalization. Later this month we will sign the paperwork for the adoption which will work it's way through the state capitol and back down to the county. We look forward to the day we're presented with a new birth certificate and papers letting us know that (at least legally in the court's eyes) we are not just our daughter's parents "for all intents and purposes," but are truly vested with the authority and status of a legal family.