This Thanksgiving we have much to be thankful for and we just thought we would take a moment to let you know how we feel.
We are first and foremost thankful to God for the gracious gift of salvation through His Son.
We are enthusiastically thankful for the gift of our daughter, and much of our gratitude is connected to her this year.
We are thankful for her aunts. All children should be so blessed to have wonderfully strong, Godly women in their lives that love them, love their parents and love God. We continue to be amazed that God has blessed our family in such a way.
We are thankful for uncles. Our daughter has not had many positive male role models in her life, yet we are grateful that her uncles are men she can look up to and learn from.
We are thankful for grandparents. We are thankful for grandparents who provide love, care and support without question or pause. We are thankful that our daughter recognizes that as something special
We are thankful for cousins. We are thankful for older cousins who model many of the good things we want to teach our daughter. We are thankful for cousins who accept our daughter as an equal member of the family, share their toys and play together so well. We are thankful for cousins who have the energy to play and play and play and who provide a wealth of new words for our daughter to learn. We are thankful for younger cousins who can help to teach our daughter how to care for others.
We are thankful for our home and that our daughter understands it is her home. We are also thankful that our home is still standing.
We are thankful for social workers who choose to live up to their calling and make life a little easier as we travel through this transition.
We are thankful for the young girls who spend part of their Sunday mornings helping our daughter be included in her Sunday school class.
We are thankful for friends who prayerfully support us and are willing to share in our journey.
We have much to be thankful for, yet we know there are many children who have not found their forever families. We pray that they will be safe while God prepares their families.
While it seems most of our prayers have been answered, we know that our journey has only begun. So, we’ll close with the prayer we say with over our daughter every night.
“Dear Jesus, thank You for Summer. Thank you for bringing her into our lives. Thank You that we are able to be her mommy and daddy. Help us to be a good mommy and daddy…”
Happy Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Home (AJ #30)
This past weekend fire ravaged many parts of Southern California. One area hit by these fires was the city of Brea. Since we live in Brea this created a considerable amount of anxiety, but also a renewed awareness of what is important.
We had been out and about from early Saturday morning and were not aware of the fires building in our area. As we were heading home in the afternoon we received a call from my father asking us if we had been listening to the news (we hadn’t), so we turned on news radio to hear the reports. As we drove home we entered a field of smoke thicker than fog. By the time we got to our home our neighbors where all filling up their cars and trucks with belongings and heading out. We quickly went inside and began doing the same. We left for the night with two car loads of stuff and went to my sister’s home (on the other side of the county) for the night.
Now for most people, fire is anxiety producing. As I looked out from our patio I could see huge flames on the side of the hill about 100 yards away. Yet, when I looked in the house, there was our daughter sitting on the floor playing and watching a movie without a care in the world.
Mandy and I don’t have a lot of “stuff” so there wasn’t any great fear of losing a lot; however, we did fear losing our daughter. We knew she was physically safe with us and that she would be safe at her aunt’s house, yet we had another fear. If our home was damaged or destroyed in the fire, then we would no longer be licensed as a foster home with the county. Our daughter would have to be placed in another foster home until we found a place and got that licensed. This was our concern. To lose our daughter for even a little while would be devastating to us. Even after a short while, we had seen her make such progress and such a connection to us that we feared what a displacement would do to her.
Well, it all worked out. Our home is safe, although the same is not true for many in our communities. We learned, or at least were reminded, of certain truths during this.
One thing we learned is that time isn’t always the most important thing. We have known our daughter for only a month (only 16 days actually living with us), but we can’t imagine a life without her. She is not legally our daughter, but she is in our hearts closer than any court order could make her. Looking around at what to take when we left the house all we could think was “diapers, snacks, dolly, her pictures” and her paper work. After that it didn’t seem to matter much.
We were also reminded that we have a great community of support. We could have stayed with any member of my family and our daughter would have played and played and been content. The fact that this is possible is a reminder of God’s providence.
Finally, we were reminded of the value of family and home. After coming home from my sister’s house our daughter walked through the doors and said, “Home.” She had never said that before. She has never lived anywhere that she called “home.” We looked at her and felt such a joy knowing that she knows we are family and this is “home.”
We are thankful for our “Home” (not the place we live, but “Home” in the big picture). We are thankful for family who supports our family and Home.
We are thankful for our daughter who understands that we are family and her Home.
Again, this journey continues to be an education we did not expect and could not have anticipated.
We had been out and about from early Saturday morning and were not aware of the fires building in our area. As we were heading home in the afternoon we received a call from my father asking us if we had been listening to the news (we hadn’t), so we turned on news radio to hear the reports. As we drove home we entered a field of smoke thicker than fog. By the time we got to our home our neighbors where all filling up their cars and trucks with belongings and heading out. We quickly went inside and began doing the same. We left for the night with two car loads of stuff and went to my sister’s home (on the other side of the county) for the night.
Now for most people, fire is anxiety producing. As I looked out from our patio I could see huge flames on the side of the hill about 100 yards away. Yet, when I looked in the house, there was our daughter sitting on the floor playing and watching a movie without a care in the world.
Mandy and I don’t have a lot of “stuff” so there wasn’t any great fear of losing a lot; however, we did fear losing our daughter. We knew she was physically safe with us and that she would be safe at her aunt’s house, yet we had another fear. If our home was damaged or destroyed in the fire, then we would no longer be licensed as a foster home with the county. Our daughter would have to be placed in another foster home until we found a place and got that licensed. This was our concern. To lose our daughter for even a little while would be devastating to us. Even after a short while, we had seen her make such progress and such a connection to us that we feared what a displacement would do to her.
Well, it all worked out. Our home is safe, although the same is not true for many in our communities. We learned, or at least were reminded, of certain truths during this.
One thing we learned is that time isn’t always the most important thing. We have known our daughter for only a month (only 16 days actually living with us), but we can’t imagine a life without her. She is not legally our daughter, but she is in our hearts closer than any court order could make her. Looking around at what to take when we left the house all we could think was “diapers, snacks, dolly, her pictures” and her paper work. After that it didn’t seem to matter much.
We were also reminded that we have a great community of support. We could have stayed with any member of my family and our daughter would have played and played and been content. The fact that this is possible is a reminder of God’s providence.
Finally, we were reminded of the value of family and home. After coming home from my sister’s house our daughter walked through the doors and said, “Home.” She had never said that before. She has never lived anywhere that she called “home.” We looked at her and felt such a joy knowing that she knows we are family and this is “home.”
We are thankful for our “Home” (not the place we live, but “Home” in the big picture). We are thankful for family who supports our family and Home.
We are thankful for our daughter who understands that we are family and her Home.
Again, this journey continues to be an education we did not expect and could not have anticipated.
Monday, November 10, 2008
One Month Later (Adoption Journal #29)
It’s been one month since the first time Mandy and I met our, then, daughter-to-be and only ten days since she was placed in our home. However, there are times when we feel like she has always been ours. In fact, it is difficult to remember life when she wasn’t part of it. Now I am not saying that everything is sunshine and roses. We have had some difficult moments, but that is to be expected due to a variety of environmental and development needs in her life. The hard and difficult moments have challenged us in ways few parents are (with the exception of those who foster/adopt children in crisis or children with special needs), yet, the beautiful experiences far outweigh any difficulty. Every night after Mandy and I have tucked her into bed we sit down and just talk about how blessed we are to have been given this gift. Despite the fact that our daughter is a gift in her own right, the true gift she brings into our life is the gift of family.
Children need family. This seems obvious, but many people just don’t get it. A child, such as our daughter, needs a mother and father. Research clearly indicates the truth of this. The outcomes of children in grow up in foster care or the young men and women who grow up in single-parent homes all demonstrate the truth of this. I could cite stats on how divorce, child abuse, infidelity and other family-breakers lead to negative outcomes, but I don’t need that.
My beautiful daughter spent the first 3+ years of her life without family. Despite this she seems to indicate an innate need for family. In her short life she has never had a “daddy.” She has never referred to another man as “daddy.” The reports we have indicate that she has called one caregiver “mommy,” but only on a couple of occasions. We’ve been told that, even though she is affectionate, that she has consistently given hugs and kisses to those near her, and that makes us sad. We are pretty sure that she has never had someone tuck her in at night and say prayers, or worse, say “I love you.” These are all integral to being family.
Since we have known our little girl she has repeatedly referred to Mandy as “mommy.” As she learns more words and signs she is eager to show them or say them to her “mommy.” The other night she threw her arms around my neck and said, “my daddy!” Now she repeatedly refers to both Mandy and I as “mommy and daddy.” Why? Clinicians might tell you about language development and other educational theories that inform our understanding of how language emerges, and I understand those theories and give them a lot of credibility. However, Mandy and I believe that more than anything our daughter has been eager for family. She has had a really tough time and tough early life so far, but despite all of that she responds when we tell her we love her.
This is what amazes Mandy and I. We look at our little girl and are amazed that she can be so full of love when her life has been so devoid of it for so long. She is a miracle to us. Both of us are more convinced that God loves us today than we were one month ago. We cannot begin to understand the graciousness of God that brought her to our lives. Yet, we do know that God is a God who loves family and we are thankful for that.
The idea of family is at the heart of being a foster parent or and adoptive parent. Despite all of the difficulties and hardships that working within the system brings, it is the idea of family that makes it all worthwhile. But what is family. Family for our daughter is not just having a mother and father who love and care for her. It is also have cousins who she knows love her and whom she can now call by name in pictures. It is having grandparents who don’t treat her as though she just joined the family, but rather as a lifelong member of the family. It is having aunts (and uncles) who hold her, play with her, support her parents and who offer positive Christian examples of what family means. We would like to think that our daughter to be fortunate to have us as parents. Something we strive to make true everyday, but we know that she is blessed to have family.
This month is National Adoption Month across America. Millions of children around the world live lives where they never hear “I love you.” They live lives without a mother and father. Maybe you can be part of making a family by adopting, supporting adoptive families or supporting adoption ministries in your local area. The blessing of family should not be kept from the children in the world who need it the most.
Children need family. This seems obvious, but many people just don’t get it. A child, such as our daughter, needs a mother and father. Research clearly indicates the truth of this. The outcomes of children in grow up in foster care or the young men and women who grow up in single-parent homes all demonstrate the truth of this. I could cite stats on how divorce, child abuse, infidelity and other family-breakers lead to negative outcomes, but I don’t need that.
My beautiful daughter spent the first 3+ years of her life without family. Despite this she seems to indicate an innate need for family. In her short life she has never had a “daddy.” She has never referred to another man as “daddy.” The reports we have indicate that she has called one caregiver “mommy,” but only on a couple of occasions. We’ve been told that, even though she is affectionate, that she has consistently given hugs and kisses to those near her, and that makes us sad. We are pretty sure that she has never had someone tuck her in at night and say prayers, or worse, say “I love you.” These are all integral to being family.
Since we have known our little girl she has repeatedly referred to Mandy as “mommy.” As she learns more words and signs she is eager to show them or say them to her “mommy.” The other night she threw her arms around my neck and said, “my daddy!” Now she repeatedly refers to both Mandy and I as “mommy and daddy.” Why? Clinicians might tell you about language development and other educational theories that inform our understanding of how language emerges, and I understand those theories and give them a lot of credibility. However, Mandy and I believe that more than anything our daughter has been eager for family. She has had a really tough time and tough early life so far, but despite all of that she responds when we tell her we love her.
This is what amazes Mandy and I. We look at our little girl and are amazed that she can be so full of love when her life has been so devoid of it for so long. She is a miracle to us. Both of us are more convinced that God loves us today than we were one month ago. We cannot begin to understand the graciousness of God that brought her to our lives. Yet, we do know that God is a God who loves family and we are thankful for that.
The idea of family is at the heart of being a foster parent or and adoptive parent. Despite all of the difficulties and hardships that working within the system brings, it is the idea of family that makes it all worthwhile. But what is family. Family for our daughter is not just having a mother and father who love and care for her. It is also have cousins who she knows love her and whom she can now call by name in pictures. It is having grandparents who don’t treat her as though she just joined the family, but rather as a lifelong member of the family. It is having aunts (and uncles) who hold her, play with her, support her parents and who offer positive Christian examples of what family means. We would like to think that our daughter to be fortunate to have us as parents. Something we strive to make true everyday, but we know that she is blessed to have family.
This month is National Adoption Month across America. Millions of children around the world live lives where they never hear “I love you.” They live lives without a mother and father. Maybe you can be part of making a family by adopting, supporting adoptive families or supporting adoption ministries in your local area. The blessing of family should not be kept from the children in the world who need it the most.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Knees and Butts (Adoption Journal #28)
(This was previously posted at Manger or Inn? on October 31)
Sometimes it is difficult to understand how God chooses to work. We can easily question how God can use a particular situation, mistake or choice to His glory. This is part of the human condition. We so easily put God in a box and we don’t even realize it. We look at our choice or our situation and assume since we can’t see any good in it, God can’t either. Yet, God repeatedly shows us mercy through our struggles and weakness. This has been particularly true in my own personal journey, but also in our family’s journey as well.
Sometimes it is difficult to understand how God chooses to work. We can easily question how God can use a particular situation, mistake or choice to His glory. This is part of the human condition. We so easily put God in a box and we don’t even realize it. We look at our choice or our situation and assume since we can’t see any good in it, God can’t either. Yet, God repeatedly shows us mercy through our struggles and weakness. This has been particularly true in my own personal journey, but also in our family’s journey as well.
Several years ago my wife and I took our four-year old niece to Disneyland. Near the end of the day we stood on Main Street to watch the parade. It had been a long day and she didn’t accept my offer to sit on my shoulders. She wanted to be independent and stand on her own. As we stood there a little while I noticed her getting frustrated. Upon closer look, I realized that while she could hear the band play and the crowd cheer all she could see was people’s knees and butts. From her perspective, there wasn’t much of a parade. In fact, hearing a lot of loud noises when all you can see are knees and butts pretty much stinks(no pun intended). I knew I had to help her out and change her perspective. Without waiting for her approval, I reached down grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her on top of my shoulders. Now she had the best seat in the crowd. She could see everything. Now when she waved, Cinderella waved back. She was laughing and clapping. While nothing around her changed, her perspective had changed and that made all of the difference. For her, it was as if the entire parade had been made for her, now that she was able to see it more clearly.
Occasionally in our lives all we can see are knees and butts. This is the time that we need some change of perspective. Whether it has been choices I have made or situations in my life, I have been blessed that God has taken the time to lift me out of the crowd so that I can see the parade. God has taken the opportunity to let me know that while I can’t see it, there are good things happening around me. As independent as I want to be, there are times when I need the help of His perspective. There are times when I need to sit on His shoulders in order to enjoy the parade He has orchestrated.
Waiting for our child has been difficult. We have been frustrated and disappointed. All we have seen are knees and butts. However, that is just our perspective. When we sit on God’s shoulders we see that this waiting has given us opportunity to encourage others down this road. We see that opportunities to connect with faith-based organizations in the advocacy of all foster and adoptive children, particularly those labeled with special needs, has been part of God’s divine plan. We also know that God has used this time to mold our hearts and prepare us for our forever family.
My journey to this point has been filled with people, places, situations and challenges that all served in one way or another to inform my head and my heart. Looking back the choices and struggles I dealt with individually as well as those Mandy and I dealt with together, I now understand what St. Paul is trying to convey when he speaks of God’s strength being made perfect in our weakness. I know that my weaknesses and challenges could never have led me to this point without God’s intervention. I know that when all we could see were knees and butts, God has granted us the opportunity to see the parade.
Regardless of how my own journey has led me here, there is something I know beyond question. As I look at my daughter’s’s face, I know that I am where I was meant to be. I know that all the hoops, struggles, challenges, waiting, disappointments, knees and butts (e.g. social service agencies) led me to the exact point I am today. God used them all as markers and signposts on my journey so that I would be right where I am. I know this is the perfect place. In hindsight, had my path been different, had my journey been easier, I might not be where I am sitting beside my wife and my child. That would be a tragedy. There is no place I would rather be.
I know many of your lives have been filled with regret of choices made or frustration with the challenges and obstacles you have had to deal with. My prayer is that God will use those to His glory. My prayer is that when all you can see are knees and butts that God will lift you on His shoulders and give you a glimpse of the parade that He has orchestrated just for you.
Occasionally in our lives all we can see are knees and butts. This is the time that we need some change of perspective. Whether it has been choices I have made or situations in my life, I have been blessed that God has taken the time to lift me out of the crowd so that I can see the parade. God has taken the opportunity to let me know that while I can’t see it, there are good things happening around me. As independent as I want to be, there are times when I need the help of His perspective. There are times when I need to sit on His shoulders in order to enjoy the parade He has orchestrated.
Waiting for our child has been difficult. We have been frustrated and disappointed. All we have seen are knees and butts. However, that is just our perspective. When we sit on God’s shoulders we see that this waiting has given us opportunity to encourage others down this road. We see that opportunities to connect with faith-based organizations in the advocacy of all foster and adoptive children, particularly those labeled with special needs, has been part of God’s divine plan. We also know that God has used this time to mold our hearts and prepare us for our forever family.
My journey to this point has been filled with people, places, situations and challenges that all served in one way or another to inform my head and my heart. Looking back the choices and struggles I dealt with individually as well as those Mandy and I dealt with together, I now understand what St. Paul is trying to convey when he speaks of God’s strength being made perfect in our weakness. I know that my weaknesses and challenges could never have led me to this point without God’s intervention. I know that when all we could see were knees and butts, God has granted us the opportunity to see the parade.
Regardless of how my own journey has led me here, there is something I know beyond question. As I look at my daughter’s’s face, I know that I am where I was meant to be. I know that all the hoops, struggles, challenges, waiting, disappointments, knees and butts (e.g. social service agencies) led me to the exact point I am today. God used them all as markers and signposts on my journey so that I would be right where I am. I know this is the perfect place. In hindsight, had my path been different, had my journey been easier, I might not be where I am sitting beside my wife and my child. That would be a tragedy. There is no place I would rather be.
I know many of your lives have been filled with regret of choices made or frustration with the challenges and obstacles you have had to deal with. My prayer is that God will use those to His glory. My prayer is that when all you can see are knees and butts that God will lift you on His shoulders and give you a glimpse of the parade that He has orchestrated just for you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
