Saying Goodnight (Adoption Journal #27)

We are excited and delighted to be able to get to know our daughter. Our visits with her have been going exceptionally well. Anytime a child has had multiple placements, social workers are concerned about the transition process. As a result we have slowly worked our way into her life. As professionals in the field we completely understand the social worker's need to protect her client from too much disruption. As parents we can't get her into our home fast enough.
I'll never forget the first day I met her. Her social worker and her house parent walked her over to where I was kneeling and said, "say 'hi' to Mike." She looked at me smiled and jumped into my arms. This was more than I hoped for. As we were leaving the visit that day, I had her in my arms and told her that I had to go. She looked at her worker and said, "bye" thinking she was going with me. Mandy and I would have taken her home that day if we could, but we understand the process. However, understanding the process doesn't make things easier.
For the past couple of weeks Mandy and I have visited with her four days a week. Every night (whether we are visiting at her group home or spending the day at our home and then going to her group home) we help her get ready for bed. Mandy helps her with a bath, we tuck her in, read with her, pray with her, sing with her and give her goodnight kisses. Our prayer is the same each night. We thank God for her and we pray that those who get the opportunity to see her in the morning take good care of her.
We don't yet get to be the people who wake her up. The days we don't get to see her are torture. Someone else is doing the job we want to do. Someone else is starting her day. After having her visit this past weekend, our house seems quiet and lonely without her. We know that this will soon be a memory, but the waiting is the hard part. Saying "goodnight" hurts, and not seeing her for days at a time hurts. Yet, we know that this will pass.
As I mentioned, we pray for those who take care of her. For much of her life our daughter did not have good caretakers. However, for the past several months she has had excellent care givers. These individuals are not volunteers, rather they are paid (at an extremely poor rate) to make a commitment to an individual. They chose to take low pay as a missional approach to a career. Their 40+ hours a week often get overlooked by 2-hour a week volunteer, but they are valuable and we are thankful for their efforts on our daughters behalf. Knowing she is in good hands eases the transition and we are thankful for the support of her workers. Yet, we look forward to the day when we put her to bed and see her in the morning. Saying "goodnight" feels better knowing "good morning" is on the way.
This brief time has also taught us compassion for other parents. We know there are plenty of parents who, for one reason or another, have to live with fractured time with their child. Maybe your child lives in a facility, hospital or other institution. Perhaps your child is splitting time between two parents. We don't know what the reason is, but our little experience (which in the light of a lifetime, is extremely short) has led us to think of you all in our prayers and pray that God bring you comfort when you are parted.

It's a Girl (Adoption Journal #26)

Yes, we have met our daughter. Although she is not yet able to live with us, we have had the opportunity to visit her at her residence and get to know her a little bit. She is more than we could have ever imagined. I never cease to be amazed at the manner in which God chooses to work.
If our adoption process had only taken a couple of months or if our social worker hadn't left us hanging for four months or if. . . or if. . . If things had gone according to our schedule our process would have looked a lot different. Despite the fact that our daughter (it's just really cool saying that) has been in the system for a considerable period of time we wouldn't have been matched with her at any other time in our adoption process. For reasons I can't really go into, she was available at just the right time that we authorized. We couldn't be happier.
When our social worker first called us she let us know that a girl might be available, but she warned us that she was not within the age range we requested. Apparently, God knew what we wanted and needed more than we did. We couldn't be happier.
Our social worker told Mandy some of the developmental issues, background, family, social and legal issues surrounding the case. I'm sure they give the perceived negatives up front in an attempt sift the perspective parents, but it didn't matter to us. Our social worker also told Mandy about her age which would require us to get re-licensed in order to accept her into our home. I'm pretty sure Mandy's response surprised the social worker. Mandy took all the information in and told the social worker "she sounds perfect."
We have had the chance over the past couple of weeks to get to know this beautiful little girl. Yes, there will be struggles. Yes, there will be frustrations. Yes, the difficulties of the process are not over. We will still have to navigate the system until we are given legal authority, at least 6 months from now. Yet, she fits perfectly into our family. God, in His wisdom, prepared our home and our hearts and knew 3 1/2 years ago that this wonderful girl would one day end up with us. In the Spring of 2005 we weren't even sure that we would adopt. Even when we thought about adoption we had no clue how. There were so many unknowns at that time, yet God knew this girl born, not fifteen-minutes from our home, would one day be part of our family.
Yes, we have more thoughts to share. There have been some frustrations in connecting with our daughter. There have been some pleasant surprises, as well. Yet, we wanted to take a moment to thank God that He knows better than us and that what He had in store for us was so far exceedingly better than anything we could have wished for.
In a world of economic, political and social uncertainty it is always good to be reminded that the thing of God are not left to chance.

Closer (Adoption Journal #25)

Friday we had the opportunity to meet with a couple of social workers from within the Orange County social service agency. For the past week we had been in contact with our social worker regarding a possible candidate for placement. Friday was the formal meeting in which we were given documentation on development, placement and history. Prior to Friday we had only anecdotal reports on these items. We have been asked, following this meeting, whether or not we wish to pursue a foster/adoption plan with the child that we were told about.
We're not sure if this will work out. We don't know how long it will take if it does work out (we're being told that placement steps will take anywhere from 4-6 weeks, which is what we expected based on our own professional experience with placement steps). With many questions still remaining we made the decision to commit to this child. It is a wonderful feeling for Mandy and I to be able to talk to each about a specific child with a specific age and a name. Despite all of the roadblocks and obstacles we are in a better place in this process than we have ever been. We are able to see how all of the steps led to this specific child to this specific moment.
We promise to keep you all updated as we are able. However, since our child is not, and will not be for quite a while, our legal child we are not able to disclose confidential information about our prospective child specifically related to family background and other personal/developmental history issues. We look forward to meeting our child for the first time and for our friends and family to get the same opportunity.
We continue to appreciate your prayers and support. Life is unpredictable and we do not know for sure what is around the next turn, but we are beginning to sense and close to this part of our families journey.

God Bless M&M