Lucky Ones (AJ # 39)

It’s hard to believe that we have less than two weeks to wait until this chapter in our lives is over. On June 1st, Mandy, Summer and I will enter the family court building in Orange, California (along with family and friends) and a judge will tell us that this part of our journey is over and that our family is legally a family. Granted we have been a family in the truest sense for over six months, but this final piece of the puzzle is vital and something we have longed for since we first began praying and talking about entering this process.
It’s only fitting that our adoption date is June 1st. May is national foster care month, which is fitting since at this point Mandy and I are legally foster parents. Once foster care month is over, Mandy and I will no longer be foster parents (in any legal sense).

This process has been difficult, trying and ultimately rewarding. We have had, on many occasions, the opportunity to tell the story of our family. During such times, many a well-wisher will tell us that “Summer is such a lucky girl.” We appreciate the sentiment. This friend or family member is letting us know that they respect us, that they think Mandy and I are providing a good home and they might even admire us for entering this journey. While, we appreciate these endearments and take them in the spirit they were given we must take a moment to argue the point.

First, every child deserves a family. Every child deserves, yes I’ll say it, a MOTHER and a FATHER. Children deserve love. Many never receive these. Many live in broken homes, in foster homes or orphanages throughout the world. The 500,000 currently residing in the US foster system would not be “lucky” to have a home. They would be were they belong. Our daughter spent 3 ½ years bouncing around the foster system, in hospitals, in group homes, and in the care of reprehensible individuals. She is now home. She is where she belongs. She is where ought to be.

Second, and most importantly, we want our daughter to know that we are the lucky ones**. Yes, it is true that Mandy and I entered this process to “choose” a child. But the truth of the matter is that she chose us. From the first moment we met, she made a choice to give us a try, when so many others had failed to live up to hope. She chose to bestow on us love, affection and warmth when she had known little of these things. She chose to smile and laugh living in the midst of chaos and sadness. She simply chose to have Mandy and I to be her “daddy and mommy.” So, who is the lucky, blessed or favored one?

Mandy and I decided awhile ago that we would not change her first name. (We didn’t want to confuse her) However, we did decide to give her our last name and to provide her a new middle name. We chose to give her the name JOY. Why? Happiness is fleeting, it is temporary and typically sensory based. Happiness is great and it’s great to be happy, but JOY is something deeper and different. JOY is intrinsically tied to purpose and meaning. Without meaning or purpose there can be no JOY. On Christmas we sing, “JOY to the world…” why or for what purpose? “The Lord is come.”

We have been created on purpose and imbued with meaning from a loving creator God. Animals can feel sensory pleasure that we might equate with “happiness,” but only those crafted in the image of God can experience real JOY. That blessed intersection of meaning and purpose.

When the Bible speaks of JOY, particularly in the New Testament, it is typically couple with a sense of fulfillment, a feeling of JOY that a long hope for ideal has now been fulfilled. We speak of God as being the completer our JOY. This idea that JOY is complete in God that JOY is the culmination of hopes and dreams and that true JOY cannot be stymied by the trials and tribulations or “present sufferings” of this world are the reasons our little girl is called JOY.

She is an ever-present reminder to us that while trouble and trials (the social services system, financial setback, behavior problems, emotional turmoil, etc) can sadden us, true JOY is eternally a gift from GOD.

**(If you want me to go on a theological tirade about fate, chance, luck, blessing and cursing I will do so and do so with authority, but for now we are using the word “luck”)