Adoption Journal #5

Well, another week of Adoption classes has come and gone. This week has been interesting, not so much for the content of the classes, but for other related items that have come up.Mandy and I did a bit of work on our Adoption Application this week. Actually, the class Thursday evening was so boring and frustrating that we did a lot of it in class. Our adoption application has several parts. There is a basic application where we place information about our finances, employment and residence. We each are required to complete a “Family Questionnaire” which asks questions about our relationship with our parents and our relationship with our in-laws. Oh yea, it also asks us how “comfortable” our sexual relationship is. Then there are two more questionnaires where various physical and/or medical conditions are listed along with various family histories. We are then supposed to place and “X” next to each condition under “Acceptable” (meaning we are willing to adopt a child with this condition or family history) or “Not” (meaning we are not).
Now we understand that not everyone is going to be willing to accept children from every possible background or with every possible set of circumstances; however, it was a little heartbreaking to imagine that there are children with certain conditions or circumstances that are such that an adoptive family could say “no” to them. We could not do that. This ultimately opens us up to a lot of possibilities. Yet, we have a heavenly father who looks at our sins, our weakness, our abilities, limitations and history and never once says that we are not acceptable to Him. He never once says that we aren’t the children He “really” wanted to adopt. Rather, He adopts us and brings us into His family because of who He is not because of who we are. How can we do otherwise?
I was reading a study recently that stated that the majority of foster parents leave the system after only one year of foster parenting. The number one reason they cite is a lack of support and training. After completing some of our classes (which are designed for both foster and adoptive families) I can see the truth in that. Our presenters are poorly organized and not very knowledgeable about issues related to being a foster parent. (Everyone in the class both adoptive and foster will become licensed foster parents at the end). In fact, the two main social workers often contradict each other in the dissemination of information. No wonder foster parents complain about being unprepared. For instance, there is no “R” in “ambivalent,” egos are “fragile” not “Fraggle,” and “undetached” means “attached” not “unattached.”
I wish grammar was the only problem with the training, but it is not. I fear that the people in our training who have legitimate questions will go without the necessary knowledge. Mandy and I, and a few other, have the advantage of experience in the system, but we are a small number. It is a shame that the county, who so desperately needs well-trained foster families, would treat the prospective families with such contempt.
PS. People ask me often how the process is going. I tell them that it is frustrating and arduous. They look at me and tell me that “it will all be worth it.” No kidding, do they actually think that we would go through an adoption process we knew to be difficult and get to the end once our child arrived and say, “wow, you are totally not worth the effort.” When Mandy and I say that they adoption process is difficult, frustrating and arduous we know that it will be worth it in the end; however, a clichéd response does nothing to support us in that effort. In fact, it can come across as insulting, so don’t be trite or cliché when it comes to human emotion or needs. Please.