Adoption Journal #9

Right now it seems like there is nothing for us to do, but wait. We have completed the classes we need to and have submitted our application for adoption. Until our assigned adoption worker contacts us with the next step in the process we have nothing left to do, but wait. Waiting is never easy, and it allows the opportunity for anxiety and fear to creep into our lives.I have been worrying lately whether my son or daughter, to be, will call me “dad,” or “daddy.” Mandy and I have chosen to build our family through adoption, but what if the child we choose, does not choose us? I’m not sure how I would feel if the young boy I call “son” chose to call me “Mr. Hoggatt.” How would I handle it if the young girl I called “daughter” called me “Mike?” These are not pressing worries, but they creep up now and again. I realize that they are not the most rationale of fears and that the well-being and happiness of our child is what’s important, but I cannot pretend that I do not think about this from time to time.People are going to tell me that I have nothing to worry about, in regards to this. They will tell me that my son or daughter will be so young that they will instinctively call me “dad” or “daddy.” Yet, what if the child we adopt is a little older? We have told the county that we are open to children older than three years of age, so that might not be the case.I will be told that children will naturally call Mandy and I “mom” and “dad” because we will be doing what parents are supposed to do. We will be providing love, affection, instruction, protection and provision. It is true that we plan on providing all of these things that parents are expected to provide, yet this is not guaranteed to elicit affection from a child.People will assure me if our child realizes how much we went through to adopt and how much we wanted our son or daughter to come and be part of our family. Yet, I know from first hand experience that this is not the case.The word “Abba,” in the gospel, is used to indicate the type of relationship we should have with our heavenly father. When we pray, Christ says, call your Heavenly Father, “Daddy.” How seldom do I even call upon my heavenly father? He has chosen to adopt me when logic dictates that He shouldn’t. He has chosen to lavish on me an inheritance, I do not deserve. He has given me more through the adoption He offers, than I could ever dream of giving the son or daughter I want to adopt. Still, I fail to call on Him as I should. I fail to see Him as the father He is. I fail to demonstrate my affection, respect and love for Him. I want to, but like St. Paul says, I don’t do what I know I should.In light of the adoption relationship I share with my Heavenly Father, why should I expect my adopted child to respond to me in a more loving and affectionate fashion than I respond to my adoptive Father? Yet, the more and more I think about it, the less anxious or worried I am. Of the many gifts my Heavenly Father has given to me is Hope, and hope that is placed in God does not disappoint. This adoption is all about Hope. From our future son or daughter there is an unspoken hope for a family that will provide a Home with all of the love, hope, joy, happiness and strength a child deserves. From Mandy and I there is a Hope that God will place the child we have been waiting for since before we met. There is a hope that people will see our son and daughter as family, not “adoptive-family.”One of the great things about this whole process is the Hope that is so integral to it all. All of the hoops and hurdles, obstacles and barriers, poor trainers and difficult systems are easier because of hope. I know that, apart from not venturing into this process, we would never be able to keep going if we did not have hope. Not just any hope, but a hope placed in a loving God who happens to be an expert in adoption.