Saying Goodnight (Adoption Journal #27)

We are excited and delighted to be able to get to know our daughter. Our visits with her have been going exceptionally well. Anytime a child has had multiple placements, social workers are concerned about the transition process. As a result we have slowly worked our way into her life. As professionals in the field we completely understand the social worker's need to protect her client from too much disruption. As parents we can't get her into our home fast enough.
I'll never forget the first day I met her. Her social worker and her house parent walked her over to where I was kneeling and said, "say 'hi' to Mike." She looked at me smiled and jumped into my arms. This was more than I hoped for. As we were leaving the visit that day, I had her in my arms and told her that I had to go. She looked at her worker and said, "bye" thinking she was going with me. Mandy and I would have taken her home that day if we could, but we understand the process. However, understanding the process doesn't make things easier.
For the past couple of weeks Mandy and I have visited with her four days a week. Every night (whether we are visiting at her group home or spending the day at our home and then going to her group home) we help her get ready for bed. Mandy helps her with a bath, we tuck her in, read with her, pray with her, sing with her and give her goodnight kisses. Our prayer is the same each night. We thank God for her and we pray that those who get the opportunity to see her in the morning take good care of her.
We don't yet get to be the people who wake her up. The days we don't get to see her are torture. Someone else is doing the job we want to do. Someone else is starting her day. After having her visit this past weekend, our house seems quiet and lonely without her. We know that this will soon be a memory, but the waiting is the hard part. Saying "goodnight" hurts, and not seeing her for days at a time hurts. Yet, we know that this will pass.
As I mentioned, we pray for those who take care of her. For much of her life our daughter did not have good caretakers. However, for the past several months she has had excellent care givers. These individuals are not volunteers, rather they are paid (at an extremely poor rate) to make a commitment to an individual. They chose to take low pay as a missional approach to a career. Their 40+ hours a week often get overlooked by 2-hour a week volunteer, but they are valuable and we are thankful for their efforts on our daughters behalf. Knowing she is in good hands eases the transition and we are thankful for the support of her workers. Yet, we look forward to the day when we put her to bed and see her in the morning. Saying "goodnight" feels better knowing "good morning" is on the way.
This brief time has also taught us compassion for other parents. We know there are plenty of parents who, for one reason or another, have to live with fractured time with their child. Maybe your child lives in a facility, hospital or other institution. Perhaps your child is splitting time between two parents. We don't know what the reason is, but our little experience (which in the light of a lifetime, is extremely short) has led us to think of you all in our prayers and pray that God bring you comfort when you are parted.