Hurdles and Help (AJ #34)

Well last week we sat in our daughter’s IEP meeting. For those who don’t know, an IEP is an “Individualized Education Plan.” Basically, this is the plan that governs how special education is administered for each student. As a special educator I have sat in on many of these meetings wearing a number of hats. I have been present as an educator, social worker, administrator, advocate and casual observer. Until last week, I had never been present as a parent. I must say that being present as a parent is so far removed from any of my other experiences that it felt as if I was experiencing all of this for the first time.

The IEP team is comprised of the Special Education teacher, the Speech Therapist, the Occupational Therapist, the School Psychologist, the Regular Education Teacher and a School Administrator. In addition to the school personnel Mandy and I were present as was the court appointed advocate who currently holds all educational rights. Legally, since Mandy and I do not hold educational rights we are outsiders in the meeting. There is no legal place for us to sign the document. We actually have to sign on the “Other” line for purposes of taking attendance. Recent legislation dealing with foster children in special education has required that the court’s or the advocacy agency’s address be used on the forms leaving us with little acknowledgement on the form. There is a place on the IEP for the school to indicate that the student is living in a foster family home (FFH). Underneath this designation Mandy and I are listed as the administrators of this FFH. That’s it. That is all the space we take up. In a few months we’ll be vested with all legal rights and responsibilities, but until then we have to fight for a seat at the table.

I don’t mean to make this all sound negative. We absolutely love the teachers and staff at the new school and couldn’t be happier with the progress she is making. The school has set forth some reasonable goals and seems to have a fairly accurate appraisal of our daughter's potential. Yet, we realize more and more that the system is not designed to promote foster/adoptive parents becoming fully responsible and empowered parents.

At the IEP the advocate (without consulting us) decided to inform the IEP team that she wanted our daughter reevaluated and she wanted her eligibility changed. Her answer to “why” was, in short, “because I do.” By not soliciting our input the advocate was willing to make a decision that would affect other services (since most agencies rely heavily on educational testing and eligibility requirements for related services) and our daughter’s educational future. She was willing to do this, knowing that we would gain educational rights in a matter of 4 short months. She was basically saying that she didn’t trust our judgment in planning and advocating for our daughter and that she needed to shore things up before we took over and screwed everything up. Fortunately for all of us, the plan was put on hold. Mandy and I were able to ask some pointed questions that led the school to ask some more questions and all agreed to postpone talks of changing eligibility criteria until Mandy and I took legal control, including the advocate. Despite not having any legal authority in the meeting Mandy and I were eventually able to provide input. At one point we were asked if we had backgrounds in Special Education (since we seemed to know what all of the crazy acronyms meant). Once we explained the fact that we had graduate degrees in Special Education and Clinical Psychology and that we had extensive experience in the field, we were given more of an ear by the team, yet no authority. This is our little girl that we were discussing. The fact that we had no authority in the matter was frustrating.

However, it made us think of how many other foster parents might be in this situation and not have the expertise or experience needed to be able to advocate, not just for their child, but for their family. When we took our daughter home we also took on a team of 17+ “specialists” who were put in place to “assist” our daughter. As I have said before, we appreciate the need for expertise, but we also need to balance that with the need for normalcy and family development. We have been successful in eliminating (no we didn’t kill anyone. . .yet) a handful of specialists from the case, in order to provide our little girl a better sense of "normalcy." We have also been successful in transferring other services to people we know in the field. It is nice to have allies when you are navigating the system. This was accomplished, in large part, due to our personal relationships with other professionals in the system as well as our knowledge of the nuances of the system. However, too many families struggle lost in the system. Nearly 2/3 of all foster parents leave the system after less than 12 months. Contrary to popular opinion, this is not due to money. Rather it is due to the lack of support, resources and empowerment in their child(ren)’s life.

This is not to say that our little girl isn’t worth it. She is worth every obstacle, hurdle, bureaucrat, court advocate, well-intentioned (but misguided) volunteer, caustic remark about foster parents, state/county budget cutback, callous comment about disability and umpteenth specialist who knows exactly what OUR daughter needs. Without God, our family, friends, Church, and our own background and expertise we would have easily been frustrated enough to contemplate giving in. We’re fortunate. Even with the occasional frustration we have so much to be thankful for. We look at our little girl and she reminds us that she is worth it. She’s why we spend hours on the phone, at appointments and filling out paperwork. As frustrating as it can all be, there are times we look at our girl and say to ourselves that it has all been relatively easy for what we get in return. What we have gone through compared to what she has brought to us, does not even compare. She has definitely filled our lives with perspective.

However, many families continue to struggle and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. On behalf of them we ask for your help. If you are in a position to help a foster/adoptive family, please do so. If you can offer a kind word instead of a cynical observation, please do so. If you can offer to attend a meeting as moral support instead of the empty “thinking of you,” please do so. If you can be a surrogate aunt/uncle to a foster/adoptive child, please do so. If you can help, please do so.

For more information on how you can help, or if you know of someone who needs a little assistance check us out at http://www.mangerconsulting.com/
Or check out your local Foster Care/Social Service Agency for ways that you can partner or support these families.