Life Affirming (AJ #35)

Across the country this week many Christian congregations will be acknowledging “Sanctity of Life” Sunday. I have talked in previous posts and articles about my feelings, in general, on Sanctity of Life of issues. However, here I would like to share an answer to a question I have been asked on a few occasions. The question has been asked in a variety of ways, but it boils down to the same thing. “Do you [Mandy or I] have any hard feelings toward your daughter’s biological mother?” The simple answer is “NO.” However, I would like to expound on it a little.
I’ve written elsewhere on statistic related to disability and abortion. In a nutshell, while less 1 out of 2 people consider themselves “pro-abortion” as many as 9 out of ten believe abortion is justified in certain cases, specifically if a disability is present. Our daughter did not have any disability diagnosed en utero, however, her situation would present a sympathetic case for abortion to many individuals. Our daughter’s biological mother had some disabilities (both developmental and emotional), she was poor, she was a frequent drug-user with a lengthy rap sheet. The biological father had a history of drug use, mental illness and criminal behavior on his side of the family. The bio-mother knew, or at least suspected (as did her case workers), that she would probably have her child taken away at birth (which is what happened.) It would have been the easiest thing to go over to a local clinic (tax-payer funded) and ask for some help. She would have been treated kindly, and been given a sympathetic ear. She would have been told how brave she was for terminating the pregnancy. She would have been told that she was doing the right thing for her baby. Few would have disagreed.
The fiercest advocates would have told bio-mother that the foster-system is no place for a child to grow up. They would have told her the prognosis for those babies born drug-affected. They would have told her that because of potential complications and resulting delays that this child would have a sub-par quality of life and that she would never be adopted and be bounced around the system. All of this would have justified the termination of a pregnancy. There are many sitting in church pews this morning who, when presented with this situation, would agree that an abortion would be the best course of action.
We don’t know why the biological mother decided to go through with the pregnancy. A lot of people will present their opinions, but only she truly knows. All we know is that we are continually thankful that this woman gave life to our little girl. She gave life and chance for hope and love. She gave life and a chance for Mandy and I to experience the joy that is our little girl. She gave life and has made better the lives of everyone who has come into contact with our little girl.
Just because we are thankful for our little girl finding us does not mean we ignore the road. We are grateful that situations and circumstances presented in such a way that our little girl came to us at just the right time in our journey. That being said, no judge, social worker or advocate in her case gets to say, “see it all worked out in the end.” The fact that the courts placed our girl in unsuitable homes, transitioned her 10 x’s in 3 years or allowed her to languish in the system for as long as she did is inexcusable. The fact that social workers could only find one couple (Mandy and I) in the county who were willing to take a child with special needs over the age of three is a travesty.
Until, believers who work in the child welfare system and/or disability services are willing to go beyond the bureaucratic minimum in service how can we fight back the arguments used by the sympathetically pro-choice? Until believers in the pews are willing to take home some of these children or support those who do how can we truly claim to follow one who claims to be “The Life?”
Our daughter is a reminder that hope stands in stark contrast to the tyranny of despair. She shouldn’t be with us, but she is. God has brought meaning to our expectation and therefore produced JOY. However, she is an ever-present reminder to us that there are more waiting for families. She is a clear reminder that bureaucratic red-tape, apathetic judges and advocates with a personal agenda cannot extinguish the Image of God gifted to all.
So, for those who want to know, I don’t have any hard feelings toward my little girl’s mother. I am grateful that God used her to bring Joy to our lives. (That is not to say that I condone her life or many of her actions. Nor is that to say that our little girl will not have to suffer consequences of her biological mother’s actions/inactions). For those of you who know someone (maybe it’s you) who is contemplating an abortion, I challenge you to show kindness and hope to that individual. I would also challenge you to examine your life and ask yourself if your life has moved beyond rhetoric to being truly life affirming.