Nunner (AJ #36)

It has been awhile since we last wrote about our journey. Life has been good in our little home. Our daughter has been growing in leaps and bounds. It’s the seemingly little things that make an big impact on us like when Mandy or I ask her who her family is and she points at each of us and says, “daddy, mommy” then pointing at herself she says “nunners (which is how she pronounces her name).” Afterward she smiles and laughs we all clap. The fact that she knows her family after all she has been through is a miracle in and of itself. Moments like that buoy our spirits when the rollercoaster ride of social services gets rocky.

It’s not as if we didn’t expect the intrusive nature of the process. But no matter how much you expect something, it doesn’t mean you are always going to be prepared, and it definitely doesn’t mean you are going to like it. In the past four weeks we have had meetings with our daughter’s Regional Center service coordinator, her court appointed attorney, her county social worker, and her court appointed advocate in addition to a couple of doctor’s appointments. Next week we have an appointment at family court with the judge. The fact that between the two of us we are taking a day off of work every other week does nothing to endear us to our employers, but it’s what must be done. This is a challenge shared by many families across the country.

Strangers asking the same question over and over again as if they were the first one to ask. People with clipboards looking over your home as you cringe trying to remember the last time you cleaned the bathroom. The endless piles of paperwork required at every meeting can be a bit daunting. All the while you hear rumors that this service or that service might be cut due to State/County budget cuts. Don’t’ get me wrong, the minute “Nunners” runs up to her mommy and daddy and gives us a kiss, it all seems easy for what we get in return. Nonetheless, it does not stop us from wondering if this process could be easier.

Not a week goes by in which we wonder how some families cope. We were blessed a couple of weekends ago to have Grandma and Grandpa babysit while we took a nice Valentine’s night out. Support like that allows for a little rest from the process, because the process, not our daughter, is the true drain of our energy (emotionally and physically). Knowing you’re supported is a powerful thing. Support comes to us in the form of friends who pray for us or family that babysits. Support comes in the form of a Valentine card with candy sent by her four-year old cousin. Support comes from the twelve-year old next door neighbor (who we greet every morning as we make our way to the bus) who gave a girl she barely knew a bag of toys. These come as glimpses of grace sent by the almighty and we are encouraged each day by them.

Many families in the process do not have that support, and aren’t sure were to look. We are also blessed to know many families who have been through (or are in) the process themselves. Last Sunday we chatted with a friend who heads up an adoptive families ministry at our church. We talked about how nice it was to be able to provide mutual support with people who understand. This leads us to recommend that if you are in the process of adoption or fostering get in touch with positive local networks, it makes a difference.

The one big change that has happened is that Mandy went back to work a couple of weeks ago. This has been a hard transition, but it’s working out. We found a local daycare at a Foursquare Church in town. Nunner gets bussed there after her Early Intervention Preschool and spends her afternoons there. After a little bit of a rocky start with the administration who didn’t seem wholly prepared (despite our full disclosure of services and needs our daughter has through the school and Regional Center) for our little girl, we have all settled into a nice routine. She seems to love her classroom and her teacher. We are blessed that she has taken to the setting so readily. It was important for us to have her in a setting that was simply another “special education” setting. Here she is making friends and learning a lot of good things.

With the exception of the weekly interruptions by court workers and others, this is a great time in our family. We are constantly counting down the days until the courts grant us the legal authority and rights we have longed for.